Stuff White People Like
For example, white people like New Balance shoes. Right? If you're white, you know you have a pair -- I have several.
And you know that white people like outdoor performance clothes:
The main reason why white people like these clothes is that it allows them to believe that at any moment they could find themselves with a Thule rack on top of their car headed to a national park. It could be 4:00 p.m. on a Saturday when they might get a call “hey man, you know what we need to do? Kayak then camping, right now. I’m on my way to get you, there is no time to change clothes.”
Though it is unlikely that they will receive this call, White people hate the idea of missing an opportunity to enjoy outdoor activities because they weren’t wearing the right clothes.
If you plan on spending part of your weekend with a white person, it is strongly recommended that you purchase a jacket or some sort of “high performance” t-shirt, which is like a regular shirt but just a lot more expensive.
Also, white people like having gay friends:
If white people could draft friends the way that the NFL drafts prospects it would go like this: black friends, gay friends, and then all other minorities would be drafted based on need and rarity to the region .....
When a straight person goes to a gay night club, they are reminded of how progressive and tolerant they are. If they are hit on by a member of the same sex, it provides them with a valuable story that they can use to prove to their other friends that they are more progressive and tolerant. "This guy/girl hit on me, I said I was ’straight but not narrow,’ and it was totally chill. Oh, you went to an Irish bar this weekend? That’s cool, I guess."And you know we also like:
threatening to move to Canada
breakfast places
irony
Oh, just check it out yourself.
6 comments:
I have at least one pair of New Balance. They fit my fat feet!
And hoo boy, if one can't laugh at oneself, one should just hang it up now.
Great post!
well, DCup, I knew you wouldn't get offended! Your sense of humor is widely recognized!
Absotootly - I choose my friends by color and orientation. I'm supposed to - right?
That's a hysterical site, and too true!
Stephen Colbert loves to show pictures of himself with his "black friend" so this reminds me a little of his satire.
That stuff is hilarious, especially the New Balance shoes! I'd better go out an buy a pair in case anyone gets confused as to my race.
loved it! thanks! have to admit i am stuck on several of the things listed. living on the water, hit me right on the head!!
let's keep laughing at ourselves.
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