Sense of humor alert!

If you are easily offended, please just skip this post. Personally, I think the ability to laugh at oneself is an important attribute in this world. In fact, it's often the only way I can get through the day! And what I am, among other things, is white. White, white, white. So I find this web site extremely hilarious:

Stuff White People Like

For example, white people like New Balance shoes. Right? If you're white, you know you have a pair -- I have several.

And you know that white people like outdoor performance clothes:

The main reason why white people like these clothes is that it allows them to believe that at any moment they could find themselves with a Thule rack on top of their car headed to a national park. It could be 4:00 p.m. on a Saturday when they might get a call “hey man, you know what we need to do? Kayak then camping, right now. I’m on my way to get you, there is no time to change clothes.”

Though it is unlikely that they will receive this call, White people hate the idea of missing an opportunity to enjoy outdoor activities because they weren’t wearing the right clothes.

If you plan on spending part of your weekend with a white person, it is strongly recommended that you purchase a jacket or some sort of “high performance” t-shirt, which is like a regular shirt but just a lot more expensive.

Also, white people like having gay friends:

If white people could draft friends the way that the NFL drafts prospects it would go like this: black friends, gay friends, and then all other minorities would be drafted based on need and rarity to the region .....

When a straight person goes to a gay night club, they are reminded of how progressive and tolerant they are. If they are hit on by a member of the same sex, it provides them with a valuable story that they can use to prove to their other friends that they are more progressive and tolerant. "This guy/girl hit on me, I said I was ’straight but not narrow,’ and it was totally chill. Oh, you went to an Irish bar this weekend? That’s cool, I guess."

And you know we also like:

threatening to move to Canada
breakfast places
irony

Oh, just check it out yourself.

They're everywhere ....

So, last night Partner comes home from shopping at Whole Foods, and she is in a state! Everyone there was so obnoxious, so pushy, so much in their own universe — so ... Barack!

I don't even know what that means. But I know immediately what she's talking about.

Oh, you know you've gotten this email before ...

Dear god, let me never be that aunt ....

E-Mail From Aunt Accidentally Opened

CHICAGO—An otherwise routine e-mail-checking session went wrong when college student Gwen Petersen, 20, accidentally opened a message sent by her Aunt Sophie in Michigan, sources reported Monday.

After correctly identifying the sender as KalamazooLady5237@aol.com, her mother's sister and a 57-year-old guidance counselor present at Petersen's birth, Petersen attempted to properly delete the unwanted correspondence as she had many times before. But one mistaken click of the mouse began an ordeal that would overtake Petersen's in-box for several minutes—thrusting the history major into an HTML-formatted world she "never intended to see."

The moment her computer's hourglass icon finished spinning, Petersen was subjected to a vast compendium of mass-circulated poetry, pet humor, and inspirational aphorisms with vague underlying religious motivations. Without needing to scroll down, Petersen further noted that the e-mail featured a background wallpaper of cartoon ducks, as well as numerous typographical errors and a large banner spelling out "You got 2 love this!" in a rainbow-colored, bouncing font.

The e-mail was also embedded with a midi version of the song "Wind Beneath My Wings."

Read the rest here, at The Onion.

Wednesday poetry break ... with a dash of snark

You Smiled, You Spoke, and I Believed

You smiled, you spoke, and I believed,
By every word and smile deceived.
Another man would hope no more;
Nor hope I what I hoped before:
But let not this last wish be vain;
Deceive, deceive me once again!

— Walter Savage Landor

(And yes, that's 3 shots for those of you playing the Obama Drinking Game ....)

How to survive this election season

Since we're on the subject of change and all .... I was listening to the college radio station yesterday afternoon while I was stuck in traffic, and darn if those guys didn't have a most excellent idea for this election season: The "change" drinking game! (Some of you my age may be familiar with "Bob," the drinking game wherein you watch "The Bob Newhart Show" and take a drink every time someone says "Hi Bob!")

Here's how we'll play: While watching Obama's next speech, take a drink of your favorite beverage every time he says the word "change" (or "hope," but don't pick both "hope" and "change" because you'll be passed out before the speech is over).

I think I'll do jello shots. Vodka.

Huckabee taunting tigers San Francisco?

From Truthdig:

After equating homosexuality with bestiality, former Arkansas Gov. Mike Huckabee was attacked at the San Francisco Zoo by a gay tiger.

Huckabee had scheduled a campaign stop at the zoo where he made his controversial remarks about homosexuality and bestiality, not realizing that he was standing within earshot of a Bengal tiger with a homosexual lifestyle.

According to onlooker Tracy Klujian, 27, “the way that tiger started growling during the speech, you could tell that it felt like it was being taunted.”

As Huckabee’s remarks about homosexuality and bestiality reached their peak, the irate tiger leaped over an 18-foot barrier and began mauling the presidential candidate.

Within minutes, police responding to a 911 call were on the scene, where they fired tranquilizer darts at both the tiger and Huckabee, who had continued to make his offensive remarks throughout the mauling.

According to one aide, the unfortunate tiger attack incident has done nothing to change Huckabee’s position on gay marriage: “Not only that, but now he’s opposed to tigers marrying other tigers.”

I still say it's not the tiger's fault ....

Sorry , Mr. President, there'll be no groping this time

Although it received little press, the Washington Post did make a footnote that German Chancellor Angela Merkel brought her husband with her on her recent visit to President Bush's Crawford ranch:

Joining Bush, the first lady and German Chancellor Angela Merkel at the Bushes' Crawford, Tex., ranch this past weekend was Merkel's husband, Joachim Sauer, a chemistry professor at Berlin's Humboldt University. That's a surprise only because Sauer seldom shows up in public by his wife's side and even skipped her inauguration two years ago as Germany's first female chancellor.

In case you forgot the grope heard felt 'round the world:


And here's how they looked at this most recent visit. I mean, I know the truck has a long bench, but could she get any further away from him?

Today's blog recommendation: Mock, Paper, Scissors

It's beautifully eloquent in less than 10 words per post. Check it out:
Mock, Paper, Scissors.