"Tyson Homosexual Sprints to the Finish Line"

Because this is what happens when you stop thinking for yourself. From ThinkProgress:

And finally: The American Family Association has a policy of replacing the word “gay” with “homosexual” on its Christian news outlet, OneNewsNow. To do so, it has set up an automatic filter. But the system went awry when it ended up publishing a story about a world-class U.S. sprinter named “Tyson Homosexual” (whose real name is “Tyson Gay”). Therefore, OneNewsNow published an AP story reading, “Tyson Homosexual was a blur in blue, sprinting 100 meters faster than anyone ever has.” OneNewsNow said that it has now taken “the filter out for that word.”

Because sometimes a Gay is not a gay.

I'm in the market for a kevlar sleeping bag

If you're planning a peaceful summer vacation, communing with nature in one of our national parks, you may want to make new plans. From McClatchy News:

[T]he Interior Department may relax a 25-year ban on loaded guns in national parks and wildlife refuges, leaving the issue for states to decide. In a decision that the National Rifle Association has applauded, the department announced that it will issue a new set of rules by April 30.

You might think the ban is being lifted so that citizens can better protect themselves because, you know, crime has increased in the national parks. Uh, no. Crime has actually gone down, dramatically the the national park system:

The number of criminal offenses reported in the nation's parks declined by 25 percent from 1995 to 2006, going from 6,009 to 4,485, according to statistics compiled by the National Park Service. That includes murders, rapes, robberies, kidnappings, aggravated assaults, burglaries, thefts and arson.

So why does anyone need to carry a loaded gun around a national park? Well, according the NRA Chief Lobbyist Chris Cox,

[L]aw-abiding citizens shouldn't be prohibited from defending themselves while visiting the parks. He said the ban was outdated, noting that while only six states allowed citizens to carry handguns for self-defense in 1982, 48 states now issue licenses or permits for people to carry firearms to protect themselves.

Under current law, guns are allowed in national parks only if they're unloaded and stowed.

Unloaded and stowed. Is that such a bad thing? Really?

Next up on the Homosexual Agenda: Earthquakes

You do know, of course, that the real "agenda" of the gay community is to move into your neighborhood, renovate the houses, and drive up your property values. But teh gays in Israel must have some kind of superpower, according to this story from the BBC:

Two earthquakes shook the region last week and a further four struck in November and December.

Shlomo Benizri, of the ultra-Orthodox Jewish Shas Party, said the tremors had been caused by lawmaking that gave "legitimacy to sodomy".

He called on lawmakers to stop "passing legislation on how to encourage homosexual activity in the state of Israel, which anyway brings about earthquakes".

Yeah, plus, they like, make it cloudy sometimes. And when it's really hot and muggy? I think they do that, too.

There may be light posting today ...

Because apparently I've won the EURO MILLIONS LOTTERY! Woo hoo! I know this is true because they just sent me an official email with lots of exclamation marks:

CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!!FROM EURO MILLION LOTTERY

Today we are please to announce you as one of the 4 lucky winners in the Euro Millions Lottery International Email Address draw on the 28th of January 2008, due to the mixture of names and address the result was released on the 13th February, 2008. All 9 winning addresses were randomly selected from a batch of 50,000,000 international email addresses. Your email address emerged alongside 3 other as a second category winner in the Euro Millones Lottery Draw.

All I have to do is send them some personal information and they will forward me my prize winnings of

(Seven Hundred And Eighty Seven Thousand United State Dollars Only)($787:000:00)(United States dollars only)

Cool.

Dept. of Things we shouldn't have to legislate: "Va. Lawmaker Seeks Ban on Replica Genitalia After Girl Spots Rubber Testicles on Trailer Hitch"

From the AP:

It's one thing to dangle fuzzy dice from a rear view mirror, but decorating a trailer hitch with a large pair of rubber testicles might be a bit much in Virginia.

State Del. Lionel Spruill introduced a bill Tuesday to ban displaying replicas of human genitalia on vehicles, calling it a safety issue because it could distract other drivers.

Under his measure, displaying the ornamentation on a motor vehicle would be a misdemeanor punishable by a maximum fine of $250.

He said the idea came from a constituent whose young daughter spotted an example of the trail hitch adornment and asked her father to explain it.

"'I didn't know what to tell her,'" Spruill said the constituent told him before Spruill vowed to stop such displays.

I don't even know what to say about this except ... Yay for no more rubber nuts at the traffic light!

The "item" below is marketed by Your Nutz as a way to "support the troops": "We’ve Respectfully placed the Yellow Ribbon designating Support the Troops on our Exclusive 8” Customized Desert Scheme Camo Nutz."