"President Bush spoke bluntly of his battles with substance abuse"

Hahahahaha! You know some copy writer had a good time coming up with that line! Yesterday President Bush came to my hometown to tell a group of alcoholic, drug-addicted ex-cons that they can pray away their woes. From the Baltimore Sun:

"Addiction is hard to overcome," Bush said yesterday at the Jericho program in East Baltimore, which helps former prisoners lead productive lives. "As you might remember, I drank too much at one time in my life. ... I understand that sometimes you can find the inspiration from a higher power to solve an addiction problem."

Bush was in Baltimore to mark the seventh anniversary of an executive order creating the Office of Faith-Based and Community Initiatives.

Any addiction, such as alcoholism, is a terrible disease to fight. Understandably, the men were impressed:

"He mentioned that he hadn't had any alcohol since 1986, and that if it wasn't for the man above it wouldn't have been possible," said Williams, who served 18 months of a five-year prison sentence for drug possession.

Too bad Bush was lying. Again.

Can't take him anywhere

During the presidential campaign of 2004, a poll was taken that asked the question, "Who would you rather have a beer with?" and Bush won resoundingly over Kerry.

Well I don't know about you, but I'm wondering about this good 'ol boy. Personally, I prefer to have a beer with someone who doesn't get it all over the table cloth. Heh. That's just me. I'm sure the world leaders assembled at this little happy hour didn't notice our country boy's lack of manners. Again.

Aha! Now It's All Making Sense!

O.k. I understand that it's "non-alcoholic" beer (supposedly Buckler Beer from Germany.) (Thanks to Shakesville for the keen eye above.) But all non-alcoholic beer does actually contain some alcohol, about .5%. So, despite all of the stories of salvation, and quitting drinking after his 40th birthday, I do wonder if he's off the self-imposed wagon. Could it explain the forgetfulness mentioned in the previous story? And the "stomach ailment"? Well, he recovered awfully quickly for the stomach flu. But actually right on schedule for a little bender. I bet if you drank enough non-alcoholic beer to get a buzz, you would indeed have a "stomach ailment."

Some background from Wikipedia:

Bush has said he gave up drinking after waking up with a hangover after his 40th birthday celebration: "I quit drinking in 1986 and haven't had a drop since then." He ascribed the change in part to a 1985 meeting with Reverend Billy Graham, after which he began serious Bible study, as well as to gentle but firm pressure from his wife, Laura. Friends recall that Bush said nothing of his decision, even to Laura, until many weeks later when they realized that he had not had so much as a single beer in the interim. Despite his claims of having no alcohol since 1986, video of Bush at a wedding in 1992 has surfaced in which the president appears intoxicated, slurring his speech and saying odd things. A photo was also taken on June 7, 2007 of Bush drinking what appears to be a beer at the G8 Summit in Heiligendamm, Germany.

There's an awful lot of chatter in the blogosphere about whether Bush is hitting the sauce again. On the one hand this seems like gossip that fits perfectly with our society's current obsession with celebrity partyers (see, Paris Hilton, Lindsey Lohan, et al.).

However, on the other hand, could drinking explain some of the more bizarre stories we've been hearing about Bush's behavior. For instance, there was the story recently reported in the Dallas news about private rantings and ravings about how misunderstood he is, thumping his chest and repeating several times, "I am the president!" Even the Drudge Report, normally no friend of mine, has reported on the bizarre nature of this event.

Then there was the dancing Bush. At an event marking Malaria Awareness Day, the president's behavior was anything but presidential, first dancing some sort of variation of the funky chicken, then banging on one of the drums himself. Don't believe me? Watch the video, and you'll see how painful it was for all involved.

And what about when he was in Jamestown, and decided that he wanted to live out his life-long dream of conducting an orchestra. Hmmmm. That's real dignified.

Beyond the pure titillating gossip angle of Bush binging, we do need to take these rumors seriously. Never forget that this is the man with his finger on the button. And if he's incapacitated (call it a "stomach ailment" if you must), you know who is standing by, ready to take charge. That's right, the Prince of Darkness. So maybe it's just gossip. But I think we should keep an eye on him.

I'm just sayin'